March 31st, 2003



Sometimes I look at the MUD, and I think, "What the hell am I doing?" I never play any more. Somewhere along the line, I stopped being able to play, to sink a few hours at a time into the game. I get too distracted by typos, by things that need to be done, by feelings of guilt that I should be off finishing one of my many unfinished projects: the Grey Forest expansion, the Nenyuk estate, the Sea of Silt rewrite. I've managed to destroy my enjoyment in something that I used to love.

At the same time, there's a tremendous feeling of pride. The game wouldn't be still around without me - at least I don't think it would. The staff would have drifted off, players would have moved along... who knows. And here we are, the MUD which does more in terms of community participation, quality of roleplay, staff participation, and who knows what else - than any other free mud. I won't put us up against the places that can afford to pay someone to do my job - but I'd like to think we're at least as good.

But I get up in the morning and there's all sorts of email: a player complaining about someone else harassing her via IM (my first reaction, of course, is that if you don't give your contact info out to people in order to talk outside the game, you don't seem to have this problem); information about a banned person's new account (and there's a long and fruitless task, trying to keep someone banned when they're determined to play); a imm's gentle reminder to a player that her character is not the center of the clan, and that player's indignant reply, full of unnecessary capitalizations and accustations. Ugh. Sometimes I feel like a 4th grade teacher. A tired 4th grade teacher.

Today's Winner of the Psycho Player Award...

The player who wrote a multi-page letter in reply to being asked to take the virtual part of the clan into account accusing staff members of sending her "nastygrams" and then explaining that she just likes to vent:

Have you ever heard of venting??
You know, some people vent to their mates when frustrated and do things
out of temper which they later settle down from.

Well, and that's swell, but maybe you should vent to someone else and cool down before emailing me? Is there some reason I'm overlooking that means I should put up with infinite abuse and then just go "Okay, she's just venting."? I am not getting paid to be anyone's punching bag or counselor here. If you cannot be polite, then don't send email. Christ.