July 16th, 2003

peace

Taking Time Off

I'm taking a month off the mud. This will be the first time in...gah, maybe six years? seven? more? that I've been absent voluntarily. The other times were AIMs or when I was moving out here.

Why? I'd like to say it's because I want to see what happens when I turn some of that time and energy to my writing, and that's at least a part of it, but it's mostly because I'm too wrapped up in the mud. I spend too much time working on it and worrying about it, and the payoff of enjoyment has been diminishing tremendously. Part of it's the problem players, I must confess, but a lot of it is just how personally players take everything. A staff member sneezes and a player writes in about how they are being PERSECUTED and if we were really fair, we wouldn't ALLOW this SORT of THING.

Everyone assumes they're the center of the universe, I know. Certainly I'm the center of mine. But at least I realize that it's only me that thinks that way. And when someone fails to say hi to me in the hall or whatever, my first thought is not "OHMIGOD they hate me!" but usually something like "They must be really busy today."

People need to chill out. And since they're not, I'm going to distance myself some, spend a month working on my novel, and then decide whether or not I want to keep on running the mud. I've always been hesitant to contemplate that in the past because I've invested so much time and work in it in the past. It's been the equivalent of a second job - with no vacation. Does that make me a hopeless geek? I suspect so. On the other hand, it's brought me a lot of things as well: friends, some chances for publications, a lot of fun, some coding ability, and a lot of experience managing people and creating communities.

So who knows. Maybe I'll go back with renewed energy. All I really want is the ability to not take it so seriously, I think.
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