July 30th, 2003

spring

Things to do while at a meeting

Examine interpersonal dynamics and body language. Try to figure out who everyone in the room thinks is an asshole. There's one in every group. If you can't figure out who it is, well...you may be it.

Try to imagine who you would pair up with if aliens kidnapped the room and put you in an intergalactic zoo. If anyone. If you're a woman in the software industry, this means you get more than one. Choose your harem carefully.

Look to see who would be the best candidate for a "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" makeover. Imagine how many jokes about his ass would be made. If it's all women, use "What Not to Wear". Imagine how many jokes about her ass would be made.

Astral projection. Now's the time to find out whether or not you can achieve it.

When interjecting commentary, try to a) speak without any form of the verb "be", b) work in allusions to Golden Age comic book heroes, c) speak with a faint but undefinable accent.

Survive.